The Nets played like a Motorhead album cover looks

Champagne Celebrates
Celebrities Skinned
Only Motorhead's Lemmy, it seems, didn't make it to the Continental Arena, and he'd probably have been the only celebrity who would have enjoyed the kind of total annihilation of a goody-two-shoes like Michael Jordan, and his woefully un-rocking teammates, that occured tonight. The crestfallen A-, B-, and C-listers included Aidan Quinn, Spike Lee, champion MJ ass-wiper Ahmad Rashad, Michael J. Fox, and PBS' Charlie Rose. Alert! Don't miss The Charlie Rose Show on Monday, January 21st, 2002, which will center around Jason Kidd and "The Art of the Pass."
- Champagne

January 16, 2002 - Nets 111, Wizards 67
Overkill
If you missed the first quarter, you missed this game – the most dominating Nets win of the year, and arguably one of the most dominating Nets wins in all of their history. After twelve minutes was over, they'd scored 43 points and had a 25 point lead. The Nets hit their first thirteen shots in a row, shooting 75% for the quarter, and generally broke-out and ran like they were in a death-match for their souls with the ghosts of their last meeting with Washington. Don't you get it, Wiz? It's coming back to you! Oh, what a bloody revenge for that blowout!

While the Wiz were inept, the Nets were damned near perfect in the first half (scoring 72 points); the second half was nothing but garbage time – Jordan (10 points in 18 minutes) didn't even play. Keith Van Horn led the Nets' barrage with 27 points, including 17 points in the first quarter (9 of those first quarter points off three-point shooting), Jason Kidd chipped in 11 points, 12 assists and 5 rebounds in only 27 minutes, and everyone on the roster scored at least one basket. All twelve angry men.

How else can I describe a game that was over before I even had the chance to turn it on? The starters got an extended chance to rest (and made Jordan sit down for more than half the game). The bench warmers got some time to play (Anthony Johnson finally scored his first points as a Net on an unopposed dunk, shortly after missing a slam a few moments before), and nobody and nothing got hurt. Except perhaps Michael Jordan's feelings – and the "big MJ game" expectations of the full-house crowd he drew.

Random Thoughts
Lucky 13 - All five Nets starters scored during their amazing 13 for 13 guitar blast of a game-opener. Who finally missed? Todd MacCulloch actually got the ball in, but was called for offensive goaltending for touching the ball in the cylinder.

Filthy Animal Van Horn - Van Horn was like the Van Horn of his rookie year - confident, at ease and laughing, and knocking down shots from all over the court. Can we keep him this way for the rest of the season? It'd be huge for the Nets. In a post-game interview, Keith claims he reviewed tape of their last meeting and noticed that the Wiz sagged off him. Keith did a perfect job of ruthlessly exploiting a major Wiz weakness.

Shoot You in the Back - The Nets could hardly miss in the first half, making it look incredibly easy in scoring their 72 points, shooting 72%. All around team play like we've never seen before. In what should be a ritual after every game, we should sacrifice a goat and chant, "Thank you, Jason Kidd."

The Warts on Jordan's Game - Jordan just didn't have it tonight, scoring 10 points on 4 -14 shooting as the Nets (Kenyon Martin and Richard Jefferson, primarily) did a much better job keeping him human this time around. The Wizards losing by 44 points constitutes Jordan's worst-ever career loss.

Net Record Smashed, Baby - The Nets set the team record for fewest points allowed (67) tonight. If they'd had to have taken the second half seriously, we might have seen about 140 points hanging up there.

What Joe Liked
Where Do We Start? - How about holding the inept Wiz to 30% shooting, forcing 18 turnovers, swiping 10 steals and rejecting 10 shots. Offensively, the starting five shot a combined 27 - 44, scored 67 points, picked up 25 assists, and averaged 26 minutes of playing time between them.
Aaron Williams, Scoring Machine - Williams couldn't be stopped tonight, with 17 points and 6 rebounds in only 12 minutes. Nobody was home in the middle for the Wiz.
Helping Hands - The Nets as a team doled out 32 assists. The Wiz? Nine. Greedy "me" ball only plays if you're MJ, Iverson, "Starbury," or the like. Team Turnaround is just that: a team.
Full House - Finally, for the first time all year, the Nets had a sell-out. The crowd got MJ, some actual stars in attendance (see Champagne's sidebar), and a great, satisfying blowout for their money. Let's hope the crowds keep coming...for the "music" (the quality of the Nets play), rather than just to scream at "The Beatles" (merely to be in the same building as the cultural phenomenon that is Michael Jordan).
The Buried Past - A milestone was reached tonight, with the Nets catching their 26th win, all they had last season.

What Joe Didn't Like
What's Not To Like - Picking on faults in a game in which the Nets led, at one point, by 48 points, is like looking for a flaw in the Playboy Centerfold. This one was pure air-brushed entertainment. Not as exciting as a hairy Penthouse win, but you're grateful to pick one up like this when you're horny.

Player of the Game
Keith Van Horn blew away the Wizards with a mighty first quarter performance, one that was needed as much for our confidence in him as it was for his own. I know it's only one game, but do we still want to trade him for a fishing pole, a rotten fish, and a drugged-out groupie (have you seen the list of available free agents)?
– Joe

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