Private pleasure, public shame

The 2001 NBA Playoffs - May 10, 2001
Teams on the Side
We know you have one. You've probably had many. It's been difficult to speak openly about them to your Nets fan friends – so fearful were you of their accusing eyes. "Hey, uh...those Bucks are really good. I - I like them" is the most you might have stammered. It stung, didn't it, when you were hastily dismissed? You clenched back the tears, you dared not reveal how deeply your feelings ran. Oh God, you felt so alone!

No longer, Nets fans. Let those six and a half months of frustration out. Go ahead. We know these illicit teams on the side are your soft shoulder to lay your head against when the Nets, once again, can give you no satisfaction. And we know that the post-season is when you miss that loving most. Here now, we expose our infidelities. When we fell, and why. First Joe's (click here to jump to Champagne's):

Playing Doctor
Joe: The entire reason I started watching basketball was Dr. J. I've never seen such grace and skill, and unique style, in a basketball player - now or then. Since the Nets were the local team on TV when I was young, I watched any Nets game I could find on Channel 9 and became a fan. But the Nets didn't make the playoffs, so come springtime, I would shift into my "Dr. J" mode and watch genius, and the Sixers, at work. This would cover my formative years, 1976 -1983.

1977 - 1986 Sixers
Joe: The first NBA Championship series I remember watching was 1977, Trail Blazers vs Sixers. The brilliance of Bill Walton vs the desire of Dr J. In the end, besides Doug Collins, the Sixers had nothing, even after beginning the series up 2 - 0. Blazers won the next 4 and it was all over.

Then came the Sixers of Dr. J, Mo Cheeks, Bobby Jones, Andrew Toney, Moses Malone, and the rest of the gang. A big thrill watching the Sixers win the 1983 title in a 4 - 0 sweep over the Lakers - my first title win. Yup, my first playoff sweethearts - even though I remain a dedicated Nets fan.

To Sir Charles, With Love
1985 - 1992 Sixers (Barkley ) / Celtics (Bird)
Joe: Of course, things change. But some crushes stay the same. When Charles Barkley arrived in Philly, he became my favorite NBA player. Barkley was not tall, wasn't particularly athletic or graceful, but he could score and rebound, and make every game exciting. So the Sixers never really left my mind as a playoff focus, even though Dr J eventually retired. Time to move on once Barkley did. And if it wasn't Barkley, it was Larry Bird. If Bird had more personality, it would have been him and not Barkley. But I did love watching those annual Celtics vs (fill in the blank) series every year. The best was watching Bird vs Magic, Celtic Pride vs Showtime. That's what made the NBA great (and what is sorely lacking now).

In Dreams...
1993 - 1995 Rockets (over the Knicks in '94)
Joe: After Barkley, there was no team to fully capture my attention. There was the Phi Slamma Jamma crew from Houston, led by "The Dream" Hakeem Olajuwon. It was especially thrilling to watch the '94 Rockets/Knicks showdown, and the dream ending to that series. Long live the Rockets. But man, they got boring fast. So, after a relatively short period, I moved on again.

Tha 'dog Pound
1996 - 2001 Underdogs
Joe: Since I just couldn't get behind the Bulls and their Fat Man Credit-Stealing front office, I needed another team. But there wasn't a whole lot to choose from. Love Tim Duncan - but hard to fully support the Spurs for some reason. I can always watch Shaq and the Lakers, but c'mon, they're practically America's team. It was cool to root for the Jazz and the epitome of a power forward in Karl Malone against the Evil Empire, but...Nope, give me the 'dogs...the Kings, Hornets, Mavericks, or Magic. Short on talent, maybe, but long on desire.

Goth Chicks
Mid 90s George Karl Era Seattle Supersonics
Champagne: Technically, I was still courting the Nets when I fell for this Sad Eyed Lady of Lowlands, but I never let them go when I committed. What a team: fast-paced and tight at point, but strong in the middle; light but moody, tall and troubled. There was the Glove at the peak of his "nasty girl" attractiveness and skill. There was Reign Man Shawn Kemp, thickening but so strong, a force who clearly had demons. I fell for him after his middle-finger-at-the-Olympics but before Sports Illustrated used a photo of one of his (eight?) children on the cover for a "Serial Inseminators of the NBA" story. Pure no-class exploitation, yes, but then again Kemp was – and is – compelling. I raced through that article like everybody else. You had flat-topped Detlef Schrempf, so uptight and anti-cool he was cool – even his gum-chewing looked disciplinarian. Sam Perkins, Big Smooth, was just plain stratospherically fly. I loved his lazy-looking, long-armed shooting motion, his three-point bullets, and his "Walrus of Love" speaking voice. Add Hersey Hawkins and Nate McMillian (their current coach) as bonuses. They could both get the blood rushing, blowing out a games with a barrage of treys.

I bought a cotton Sonics warm-up jersey on a trip to Seattle in 1996. Somebody stole it out of my dryer in a laundrymat in Jersey City. I still miss it.

Booty Call
The Sacramento Kings - Late 90s to May 2, 2001
Champagne: When it was late and he wanted action, where would Champagne go a-knocking? These last three years, at the Kings' door for sure. Oh, that other Jayson Williams: you got freestyle, irresponsible, full-court fun. The tricks he could do! No-look, behind the back moves on the fast break, show-it-and-throw-its that left defenders rubbing their eyes, and with Webber and Vlade he'd get 'oop-happy all over the parquet. Aficionados knew the truth: that the funkiest player in the NBA was now a white boy from West Virginia. Two years ago they provided a thriller of a playoff series, nearly knocking out the Jazz. They've only gotten better since. I'd have worn a Predrag Stojakovic jersey if that wasn't pretty queer.

But it's all over between us now. Their 1st Round celebration after beating the Suns was unseemly, to say the least (click here for the details, if you need them). I can't be seen in public with them any longer.

International Playboy
Dallas Mavericks - May 2, 2001 to present
Champagne: Maybe it was Steve Nash's affected tousle-haired doo that kept me from going for them sooner, the way I continue to be consumed with hatred for Meg Ryan. Maybe, being a peripheral Giants fan, I was prejudiced against the city of Dallas due to their truly despicable Cowboys. But the Mavs were there for me, waiting, when I was ready to drop the trashy Kings. The run-and-gun, the spot-up threes – Champagne loves the NBA's fast girls, if you hadn't figured that out already. The things Nowitski has taught me already! One, that my family has long Americanized and mis-pronounced our unwieldy German surname (our "w" should sound like a "v"). Good for them. And two, that to this 100% American a current enemy is just a future friend, be that enemy from Dallas, Germany, or Godless Communist China. Yes indeed. I think there's a future for Zhizhi and me.

Archive | Backlash | Bio | Calendar | Champagne's Blog | Diatribe | Game x Game | History | Home | Joe Netsfan's Blog | Media | Opponents | Players | Playoffs | Search | Specials

© 2001 Shawn Belschwender and Michael Kozlowski