The Western Conference semi-finals were a load, the Eastern semis nearly wore us out

Picks and Pans
• Conference Semi-Final Playoff Prognostications.
• Conference Finals Picks.
• First Round Prognostications. Includes our long-range forecasts for Conference Finals teams, Conference Winners, Finals teams and 2001 NBA Champions.
• Pickpocketed, how our our First Round picks panned out.
• The Nets-Centric Playoff Prediction System. See how it did in the First Round.

May 16 - 20, 2001
Pickpocketed II –
Conference Semi-Finals
Joe and Champagne lick their wounds, pat themselves on the back, and call their chiropractors for appointments. Champagne's lower vertebrae have fused from watching so much not-so-hot playoff basketball while slouched on a crappy Ikea couch – wasn't the West supposed to have the exciting conference? And Joe's mind hurts from his pretzel logic picks and his neglected children – Truckman and Vanilla Thunder – screaming for his attention. Thank god for the Eastern Conference: that Iverson-Carter duel was a doozy, and the Hornets sure gave us a scare. Mostly we're glad that this round is finally over.

Western Conference
(2) Los Angeles Lakers vs (3) Sacramento Kings
Winner: Los Angeles (4-0).
Losers: Joe and Champy, the Nets-Centric Playoff Prediction System.
Joe: Never in doubt. Joe only stuck with Kings because he didn't want to deviate from first round musings - in retrospect, should have taken my own advice never to bet against Shaq in the playoffs. Lakers have won what? 15 straight games? Absurd. Kings looked like roadkill after being hit by the Shaq Express. When they finally decided to play "dog-pile-on-the-Shaq", Kobe stepped up with a huge game. Kings, our big underdog hope, never had a prayer. Sacramento played just generally played like horseshit, and will never be better. Bye bye C-Webb. Lakers are just getting warmed up. Only thing stopping them now is an injury to either of the big two.
Champagne: We're a couple of motor-morons, Joe. We made two stupid picks for one stupid team: the Kings. There's a fine line between the Kings' chaotic cohesiveness and a disorganized collapse, as showcased so embarrassingly in the second half of Game Two. Not since the Nets season ended have I seen such an appalling lack of urgency and intelligence from a basketball team. The Kings ran and they popped and they missed and they didn't even bother to fake an attempt at a rebound. Rick Fox chained himself to Peja; Jayson Williams probably has ADD. Chris Webber couldn't elevate off his bad ankle and wasn't mentally in it, plodding around the court with a vacant look, that one bad foot out the door. Straight-up sucker Knicks fans deserve him – shame they have nothing enticing enough to trade. It would be fitting irony for the early '90s Warriors (Sprewell and Webber) to reunite at the Garden for early '00s paychecks. Can't you see it? Knicks fans placidly accepting shocking new plateaus in ticket prices so that a couple of multimillionaires can palsy-walsie around Manhattan, double-pummeling Destiny's Child and bouncing out of the Second Round for half a decade.

(1) San Antonio Spurs vs (5) Dallas Mavericks
Winners: San Antonio (4-1), Joe and Champagne.
Loser: The Nets-Centric Playoff Prediction System.
Joe: Joe called this one exactly. Spurs managed to lose a game they could have won, thereby assuring Joe of 100% accuracy on this pick. Helluva run by Dallas, but the Spurs really are the class of the NBA right now. San Antonio had no trouble handling inside or outside offense of Dallas, and didn't miss third option Derek Anderson. Spurs execute with almost mind-numbing simplicity, making the game look too easy. But, will the well-oiled machine continue to glide in the Western Conference finals?
Champagne: Represented by the Kings, these Mavs, and I'd even say the Bucks, the Chaotic Era teams are dwindling out later in the playoffs than in previous years. Allan Houston, a shooter from a team only slightly to the left of the Heat in terms of rigidity and strict adherence to the Grind It Out game, recently remarked that the Mavs style of play is almost a "random" one. Immense, athletic and transparently competent, the Spurs were the Mavs' wall. I liked the Spurs' "we're tired of 'I'm sorry'" response to Juwan Howard's flagrant fouling (even though I didn't believe Howard's intentions were to take guys out). Because Robinson is a goody-goody and Duncan is so soft-spoken, they've been tagged as "soft" and are self-conscious about it. They didn't really need the tough-guy stance this series, they were speaking past the Mavericks to the Lakers.

Eastern Conference
(2) Milwaukee Bucks vs (6) Charlotte Hornets
Winners: Milwaukee (4-3), Joe, Champagne, and the Nets-Centric Playoff Prediction System.
Joe: Damn, those Hornets showed me something. I thought this would be a much easier series for the Bucks. But the better team ultimately won, and those incredible twists and turns made it all the more fun. The Big Three (Robinson, Allen and Cassell) came through like big dogs are supposed to, but I had to sweat out every single minute of this series, thanks to my "up-and-coming" pick Baron Davis. Kudos, NBA, for finding two small-market, competitive teams to battle-royale to the death. We're all winners because of it.
Champagne: Oh Joe, I am loving the sore-ribbed alien. What a gutsy Game Six Cassell had, huh? I also loved the drama that ended the third quarter of Game Seven, those alternating three-pointers hit by Lindsey Hunter, Baron Davis, then Glenn Robinson at the buzzer. Big Dog flourished once he had time to recover from "guarding" McGrady in Round One – he was big, double-teaming Mashburn in Game Six was big (thank you, George Karl), and your man Baron Davis' missed free throws were big in the decider, Joe. Derrick Coleman, he's very big too. Compare and contrast these denouements to two disparate careers: a) Willis Reed limping onto the court to win Big Game Number Whatever for the Knickie-poos back in the dim early '70s and b) Derrick Coleman wincing to the locker room for back treatment without telling Coach Silas, who subsequently puts only four men in, resulting in a Hornets technical foul. The Bucks convert it, and the Hornets go on to lose Game Two by one. Thanks Derrick, for the classic playoff moment.

(1) Philadelphia 76ers vs (5) Toronto Raptors
Winners: Philadelphia (4-3), Joe, Champagne, and the Nets-Centric Playoff Prediction System.
Joe: Shoot-Out at the Superstar Corral. What a great ending to a great series. If only my damned kids didn't make me miss it...but I did get to see the Nets slip one draft position to #7 at the half (now, regarding this "Michael Jordan Draft-gate" that's about to occur. Couldn't you be a bit less obvious, Commissioner Stern?) Ah, Joe's life at its frustrating best. Carter misses at the buzzer, Sixers win a Game 7 by a point. Three 50+ point games (2 by Iverson, 1 by Carter). The league and the fans couldn't ask for anything better. Toronto gave Philly everything they had, and although they came up short, have nothing to hang their heads over. Philly has to be worn down from this series - how many times has Iverson (God Bless him) hit the floor?. Unless they can do a clean sweep of the Bucks (not likely), I shudder to think what the Lakers will do to an injured and beat-up Philly team (yes, I know, I picked the Spurs to go all the way...). Joe's also glad that punk supreme Chris Childs is going home - only could have been better if he was still with the Knicks.
Champagne: Wow. The series to beat, excitement-wise and performance-wise. I have not much to add, other than I was rooting against my own pick for the Raptors to put the glass slipper on and go to the Eastern Conference Ball. Joe, I tell you, Raptor Antonio Davis is not the "type of guy" the Nets need, he's the exact guy the Nets need...oh, I have such masochistic longing (he can't be had)...let me stop right here before I start sounding like a fantasy-role-playing gaming Knicks fan. No wait, one more: just imagine Marbury and Iverson together again, as in their All-Star Game splendor, zipping through small forests of swatting big men like a couple of killer bees. I pray the YankeeNets don't let Marbury languish. I would love to see him rise to a new level of achievement, as A.I. has done right here. If that means Marbury has to do it with another team...that would really hurt. This whole series made me think about him, watching, or not bearing to watch, at home. Should the Nets waste his talent that'll be the worst crime they've committed yet, trading Dr. J away included.

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© 2001 Shawn Belschwender and Michael Kozlowski