The Hornets shocked us with a playoff-picking confidence-snapper
Pickpocketed – 1st Round
Here's where Joe and Champy feel their asses and try to find their wallets, series by series. Below, we present what went right and what went wrong with our 1st Round Playoff Prognostications and give our assessment of the players and the play. Mostly, we got it right: Champagne chose the winners of seven out of the eight First Round series. Only the Hornets kept him from perfection. Of those seven right, he guessed the series' length correctly three times. What prescience! What cogent analysis! Joe's series-weighing acumen was only one game lesser than Champagne's. Joe picked six of these right, and twice guessed exactly how long they'd go.
Eastern Conference
(3) Miami vs (6) Charlotte
Winner: Charlotte (3-0).
Losers: Joe and Champy.
Joe: Hornets in 3? I mean, c'mon. Shoulda been a snoozer for the Heat. The Hornets sleepwalked through the second half of the regular season, and the return of DC wasn't exactly a galvanizing force. I told everyone at the office that, mark my words, at least one team of two, Heat and Knicks, would go out like a lamb in the first round. Of course, I thought it would be the Knicks! Sucker! Long live Spree. Joe apologizes to Mr. Silas (I questioned his coaching), and is secretly glad one of his favorite players, Baron Davis, gets to move on.
Champagne: I thought the Hornets had the least chance of any team to win a series. In fact, just before the start of Game One, I scoffed "Yeah, right!" at the TV when I heard a Hornet tell a reporter they were going to run the Heat. Well, that's exactly what they did. The Hornets blew 'em out in the fourth quarter Game One, in the third in Game Two, and by halftime of Game Three – turning the aged Heat into a pack of panting airball tossers pleading "no mas!" I'd picked Miami to sweep, and the series to be not worth watching. Was I wrong.
(2)
Milwaukee vs (7) Orlando
Winners:
Milwaukee (3-1), Champagne.
Loser:
Joe.
Joe: Well, half right ain't all bad. McGrady was the man, only you can't
win in basketball if you've only got one. Bucks had more of everything.
What can I say? I got too high on McGrady, but he'll be a major, major
star in the NBA for years to come. I likes the underdogs, but the 'dogs
got run right out of town.
Champagne:
I should be pretty proud, because I called this one to the game –
Bucks in four. But, apparently fuzzy-brained on "the Champagne
of Beers," I had to go and tack on contradictory predictions about
the series' level of play. I added that I thought the Magic would "wilt
quickly" if the Bucks won the first two, and that this series could
turn out to be "the most fun to watch." How were all three of
these things simultaneously supposed to come true? Anyway, McGrady's –
I mean, the Magic's – OT win in Game Three sure wasn't a "wilt."
People are now starting to buzz about McGrady-as-Jordan and Vince-Carter-as-Pippen,
not the other way around. A bit prematurely. And while this Game Three
was the most entertaining game I'd seen, I'd missed Philly/Indy Game One,
and contenders still remain for most exciting series.
(1)
Philadelphia vs (8) Indiana
Winners:
Philadelphia (3-1), Joe and Champagne.
Joe:
Hey, this one wasn't as easy as I thought, but no surprise here. Aimless
Indiana tried hard but failed. Didn't see much of the series, but I heard
and read enough to know that the "Philly as Eastern Conference Final Champs"
tag could be moot. The Answer's gonna need more help to get to the promised
land.
Champagne:
I was right on the money, calling Philly in four. Thought it would
be dull, though. Indiana was so bad this year that I failed to believe
that even "Mr. Playoffs," Reggie Miller, would provide some
theatrics. I became an NBA fan on May 7, 1995, when I happened to catch
the Indiana/Knicks Eastern Conference Semifinal Game One. That's the game
when "with shocking suddenness" (as the Knicks Media Guide puts
it) Reggie scored eight points in the game's final 0:16.4, erasing the
Knicks' 6 point lead. It's still the most amazing 16.4 seconds I've ever
seen in any sport. Reggie did put a scare in Philly, popping the Game
One winning three, but in 1995 he also had Rick Smits. Philly's trade
for Dikembe looks better every day.
(4)
New York vs (5) Toronto
Winners:
Toronto (3-2), Joe and Champagne.
Joe: Did
I tell ya? Nailed this one too. Knicks are finished as a playoff force
unless they can re-tool for next year (Hello, C-Webb?). Toronto (no offense)
not very impressive either, but Oak's right - the superstars have to win
the games come playoff time. I realize that this one could have gone either
way, but I sure am glad the Knicks got bounced.
Champagne:
Friday night, my Aunt Nancy challenged me at two-handed solitaire
– a really old-fashioned game with real cards, not a computer –
so I caught the end of this series' eliminator in bits and pieces, over
her shoulder, on a little kitchen-counter tube. She'd never heard of the
Raptors. Very understandable, even considering that her son married a
Canadian. There's already been one confirmed NBA failure to deprogram
the Canadians from hockey, so there probably hasn't been a lot of Raptors
word of mouth. She also thought the Knicks were "my team." Yeah.
You'd have thought I all this would have given me some perspective on
my deep-seated Nets fan's hatred of the Knicks. It didn't happen. Thank
you Vince and thank you Alvin, and thank you Antonio. Picked another one
down to the game.
Western
Conference
(2) Los Angeles
vs (7) Portland
Winners:
Los Angeles (3-0), Joe and Champy.
Joe: Be afraid. Be very afraid. Looks
like even I underestimated the Lakers come playoff time. Portland fell
even quicker than Barkley gained weight after retiring. This was a good
ol' fashioned beating - now I'm left trying to figure out why I thought
this would go to five games. Champagne may have been right - these Lakers
may indeed once again go all the way. Lookout San Antonio - Shaq Diesel's
gaining momentum.
Champagne: Commentators on Lakers sound
like Reagan-era conservatives on the Soviets: "Somebody test them!
No concessions to Shaq! Only if pushed will Jackson's Empire fall!"
Malaise-era, inflationary Blazers weren't the team to do it (pity Dunleavy,
counsel Rasheed). Spending gazillions on astrodome defenses to hasten
their crumble is the league's current pipe-dream. The California Bear
awakes. Start digging shelters now!
(1)
San Antonio vs (8) Minnesota
Winners:
San Antonio (3-1), Joe and Champy.
Joe: Nailed this one. San Antonio did
what they had to do, and it wasn't just Tim Duncan. Already looking forward
to Western Conference finals vs LA (I know, I picked the Kings, but I'm
nervous, very nervous...)
Champagne: Okay, tell me, why did the
Timberwolves have LaPhonso Ellis jacking up shots in an elimination game?
Kevin Garnett is a man who did not eat properly before Game One and who had to take bags of fluids afterwards. His coaches had to buy him groceries to keep in his San Antonio hotel. Earlier in the season I watched him talk past a television interviewer, address the camera directly, and try to clown Charles Barkley, long-range, out of his assessment of Tim Duncan as the greatest player on the planet. They shot him on a set that was lit like the Brando scenes in Apocalypse Now...Garnett bent forward, rubbed his skull and said, "After I get past Duncan, there's Robinson waiting for me." Rationalizing, like: "I can burn Tim Duncan, but it's the Twin Towers that are unbeatable." And you know what Garnett looks like, right? Like that's not skin he's rubbing, it's an exoskeleton. When they asked him, "How are you going to adjust for Game Two?" he told them, "Take it to the rack," then turned to the camera and grimaced. "That's 'go up strong' for those who don't understand," he went on, defining a basketball cliche with a basketball cliche, the picture of frustration. Kevin Garnett was doomed, and he knew it.
(3)
Sacramento vs (6) Phoenix
Winners:
Sacramento (3-1), Joe and Champagne.
Joe: Did what they had to do. Man, is this
team fun. Suns didn't light the world on fire in this round, although
I did honestly think they'd hold up better than they did. Kings need to
play MUCH better to make Joe's Western Conference Finals pick come true.
Champagne: I like that Suns defense. Ha,
ha! And the nicest thing I can say about Rodney Rodgers' failure to even
pretend to play hard is that he must have had his mind on auto racing.
Did you suffer through that TNT NASCAR promo disguised as a profile on
Rodney, like Champagne did? Apparently Rodgers likes stock car racing
– doesn't everybody? – and is thinking of buying a team. On
camera Rogers wandered the pits while grinning New Age Good Ol' Boys circled
around him, smelling a mark.
That wouldn't be the most uncomfortable bit of Kings/Suns video I'd see. That would come during the Sacramento celebration. It wasn't just the jumping around. It wasn't just the hooting or the hollering or the towel-on-the-head-wearing. It was Scott Pollard doing a Harry Caray impression for Craig Sager. That's right, Harry Caray, that old humorous drunken Cubs announcer, now dead. Part of the reason why I like basketball is that it's not a Saturday Night Live skit. I'm looking for a new favorite team (oh yeah, besides those adorable Nets) and I'm thinking Dallas.
(4) Utah
vs (5) Dallas
Winners:
Dallas (3-2), Joe and Champagne.
Joe: OK, Dallas made me sweat it out. Even
from my hotel room in Memphis could I tell that the refs were not watching
the same game the rest of us were. This was too good to be true, ol' vets
vs young Turks, and the Turks came up big in Game 5. With help. Let's
see them survive the buzzsaw that's coming.
Champagne: Well, if you're a Jazz fan
there's one thing you can't complain about: THE REFEREEING. Try explaining
to somebody who doesn't know the NBA at all that NBA refs, when they find
they may have been "swayed by the crowd" (great TRAINING, by
the way) have a tendency to make utterly bogus calls on the opposing team
in order "even things up." Which is what the refs clearly did
in Game Five in allowing the Mavs to play illegal defense for several
late fourth quarter Jazz possessions.
What a war. Underdog five seed Mavs come back from
2 games down in the series, then come from 14 points behind at the start
of the fourth quarter in the fifth and deciding game to win by a single
point. Calvin Booth, underdog throw-in player in the Juwan Howard trade,
has great game on the boards and scores the deciding basket. And Joe Netsfan
sidekick Champagne picks this one with exactitude, calling Mavs in five.
Bling bling!
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