March 22, 2001 - Celtics 113, Nets 98
Sucky Charms
Jayson Williams. Kerry Kittles. Keith Van Horn. Jamie Feick. Kendall Gill. Jim McIlvaine. Sherman Douglas. And now, future of the franchise Kenyon Martin. Still don't believe in the Curse of Dr. J?

Another game, another calamity in the Continental bowl. The Nets started off strong (with an early 18 - 4 lead), then watched the Celtics' Paul Pierce (44 points) and Antoine Walker (29 points) gallop away with a host of threes. Boston ripped off an incredible 91 - 51 run to build a 95 - 69 lead after the third quarter in an altogether-too-easy win. Once Kenyon Martin broke his leg with 5:50 to go in the third, you could see the puff go out of the Nets' collective marshmellow, in yet another insult to this giant, squelching, nutritional nightmare of a season. The Nets bobbled and stumbled to 22 turnovers, after starting out on fire in the first quarter (71% shooting). Stephon Marbury was still in obvious pain, and was able to do few of the things he can normally do. A cold, soggy treat of a game on a cold, soggy night.

With newly signed Doug Overton dislocating his finger in his first game, things have gotten bizarre, not just unaccountably awful. Awful is stepping out of bounds at least 4 times, botching at least two inbounds plays, letting Paul Pierce take you for a career-high, and showing no clock awareness whatsoever.

Infectious Control Moment
Paul Pierce's bloody lip, 7:29 mark of the third. Also, shot much lip to irate fan yacking at him from a baseline seat. Not me, honest!

Chill Factor
4:51 left in the game. After a steal by Milt "Net Killer" Palacio, the crowd bolted en masse, figuring that after accidentally tripping Kenyon Martin and breaking his leg, a steal by Palacio is a signal, like the swallows coming back to Capistrano, that a loss is imminent.

Sights and Soundz of the Game
1. Wandering down to the court, Joe had this brief conversation with Nets' Assistant Coach Mike O'Koren at the shoot-around before the game. Joe: "Cheer up. The season's almost over." Mike O'Koren: "Nah. I could do this 12 months a year." Mike O'Koren, in possession of one uninfectious attitude.
2. Keith Van Horn gets called for a three second violation. Champagne: "Hey. 'Camper Keith!'" That Champagne's full of cute shit; you oughtta sit next to him sometime and see. Please!
3. PA Announcer Gary Sussman: "Stephon through the land for two!" Eh? "Through the land"?
4. Fourth quarter, after yet another deadly accurate Celtic perimeter bomb, Champagne spoke out loud to his invisible friend, the Nets' defensive mindset: "Here's a hint," he goes, straight into thin air, "they like to shoot threes!" Antoine Walker alone had 6.
5. Celts made every free-throw they attempted when I waved our giant cartoon Marbury head in the air to distract them. And we thought it was magic!
6. Champagne, after returning from the concourse with a cup of coffee: "Ah, that 'Rest Stop' ambiance." He then grew pensive and added, "But a Turnpike rest stop has much better food." Friends, eat before you go.
7. Coco, a.k.a. Colleen, a.k.a. Joe and Champagne's mostest favoritest Power N' Motion dancer came running out with her hair dyed blonde again, 13 games after Joe yelled at her for dying it brown. Reeling from possibly having made a bit of difference in this damn dirty world, Joe spoke out loud to his imaginary friend, Coco's sidekick Niko, in a high, lispy, cracking-with-desperation stalker voice: "Could you please tell Coco thank you from me? Please? Don't forget! It's very, very important!!!" Extra! Joe on Coco's ass: "It's like two bulldogs in a Glad bag!"

The Hell with Joe's Free Advice, Here's Champagne's Solution
Champagne doesn't believe in "the curse," he believes you make your own luck, and he knows exactly how the Nets can find a new charm: get an intimidator. Steve Adamek of the Bergen Record got it right, a player in the mold of Charles Oakley or Anthony Mason would have, to Champagne's mind, at least a two-fold effect. One: the so-called "unlucky" Nets might not get hurt as often and as badly with a big, aggressive player in the paint to distribute blows and absorb them. Light guards scratching for rebounds the bigger forwards can't seem to get after is suicidal for themselves and the team as a whole. Two: a scary no b.s. prescence in the locker room might ignite the Nets' guttering sense of pride. It's the Nets themselves who need to be intimidated. No coach can do that.

What Joe Liked
Starbury - In obvious pain, lacking some movement, still put up 17 points and 11 assists. Rest up in the off-season, and pray the cavalry is on the way.
Martin - Deserves a better fate. Had 22 points and 5 boards in 28 minutes, and was probably on his way to a career high game. What a shame. Now we have almost nothing to look forward to, except the possibility of not winning another game this season.
Boardroom - Nets had a 44 - 31 advantage, led by Van Horn's 13.

What Joe Didn't Like
Antoine Walker - Punked out all night. Laughing, mouthing off, and generally acting like an ass. Just wait, Antoine. Joe won't forget! I'll wave a sign at you!
Turnover Turmoil - Another 22 for the game, including 6 in the first quarter, when they got off to the hot start.

Star of the Game
Paul Pierce, who scored at will, hitting for a career-high 44.

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