March 20, 2001 - Nets 104, Grizzlies 90
Continental Drift
S-l-o-w-l-y the Nets drifted and shifted in their best impression of geologic change against a team that is arguably their inferior. The Nets were in total control throughout at the Continental, but without Stephon (resting an injured hip) couldn't seem to subsume the sleeply lil' bears from the Great Pacific Plate. Minor quake activity was registered all evening. The Grizzlies managed several runs, including a late reign of threes from Mike Bibby, but overall couldn't escape their own ineptitude and were tagged and bagged and sent back into hibernation by Cub Scouts Kenyon and Keith.

This, my friends, was a dull game. The players drifted in and out. Our attention drifted in and out. And the refs, well, they were in a special comatose-like state. The Nets were playing shorthanded, suiting up only 9 players and using only 7 (ah, poor Samake and Stepania). But that didn't seem to matter to the Gentle Bens from Canada. This game featured too many slam dunks and too much matador defense to have given off anything but a late-in-the-season, two teams out of the playoff chase vibe. Which we're tired of already.

Chill Factor
??? The crowd, intermittently napping during lulls in the action and showing zero enthusiasm in this long, drawn out game in this long, drawn out season, didn't so much give up and leave at a set time so much as it just drifted out, two by two, almost unnoticeably. It was either sleepwalking, or the sedatives kicked in. See below.

Sights and Soundz of the Game
1. Joe: Listening to three "fans" behind us babble incessantly all night about their fantasy baseball trades. Champagne: Then, out of nowhere, one of them exclaims, "Ah, that new book smell! I love that new book smell!" I was too unnerved to turn around to see what had caused the commotion.
2. Joe: Come to think of it, we seemed to have seen the scariest bunch of Nets supporters ever at this game. "Hey kids, come on out to a very special 'Freak Show' promotion at the Arena when the Nets play the Grizzlies..." Champagne: We're talking resplendent "Joe Dirt" coiffures, an obscenely pregnant 60-something old lady, reprobates smoking clove cigarettes in the men's room, and the aforementioned fantasy baseball fanatics, among others. We've been struggling to try to put this as kindly as possible: has "Nets game" replaced "trip to the zoo" as the over-worked caretaker's distraction of choice for children and the developmentally challenged? Listen, we're happy to have them. But these aren't basketball fans. They're here to hug Sly, and catch t-shirts. Get back in the van.
3. Joe: Two utterly bizarre calls from the refs, who seemed to be in the same somnambulist state as Champagne and Joe. The first call was against Aaron Williams, a shooting foul...Champagne: Aaron Williams took the first free throw, missed, then over the P.A. they call it an "Inadmissable Free Throw" or something...Joe: Instead of taking a second foul shot, the Nets received a side out. The next weird whistle, in the midst of a Nets possession, was a "five second" call. Possession turned over to the Grizz. It was NOT an inbounds play. Has anyone ever heard or seen such a call? If so, drop Joe or Champagne an email and explain it to us...
4. Joe: Gary Sussman, Nets' PA announcer extraordinaire, in the fourth quarter: "The report from the Starbury traffic helicopter says there is a bad accident on the Turnpike. If you're planning on taking (exit) 16W, take exit 16E instead." Champagne: It's like everything has to be Nickelodeon-ized in the Nets' house. I could only picture a Thomas the Tank Engine-style helicopter, featuring Marbury's giant head, hovering over a bloody wreck. Makes disaster fun!
5. Joe: "Big (In)Continent" Bryant Reeves is so bad, it's scary. Slow as a glacier, as graceful as a can of corned beef hash, and the least amount of skills for a big man this side of Samake. Champagne: Incontinent shocks me. What the hell was he doing shooting jumpshots? Grizz made minor runs when Reeves was benched.
6. Quote of the night, courtesy of Fred Kerber of the NY Post: "You (see) what happens when Stevie runs the ball up the court?" - Sherman Douglas to Byron Scott, after Sherm injured his thumb and was asked by Scott at halftime to have it looked at by the team doctors.

Joe's Free Advice
Attention David Stern: This game is a prime example of what is wrong with the NBA today. Boring games. Fans accustomed to bad play. Players who can't shoot, or defend. The NBA, and Stern's deal with the Devil (the "personality-driven" marketing plan that has come back to ask for his soul), has manifested itself in an entire conference of mediocre-to-bad basketball teams, increasing fan apathy, overpriced tickets, and players who don't understand that this is a team game. Nice going.

What Joe Liked...by the Numbers
24 - 11 - Points and rebounds for Kub Skouts Kmart and Keith. Helped immensely by Grizz' incredible lack of interior defense. Now, if they could only show that much togetherness in games that actually mattered...
50 -30 - Rebounding edge, led by Esch's 12. What, "Grizzlies Can't Jump"?
43 - 81 - For 53% shooting - of course your percentage is going to be high when you repeatedly are left open for slam dunks and easy layups...
48 - Number of minutes Sherm played, for the second game in a row. Can you believe that Kevin Ollie was ahead of Douglas in the rotation at season's start?

What Joe Didn't Like
Turnover Troubles - 21. That's a lot. Net's politely tried to hand the game to the Grizz, but the Grizz respectfully declined.
Premature Celebrations - Yes, Nets deserved payback for their grisly Grizz loss back in January, but they aren't exactly wiping up the court with opponents. So cut out the highlight-film alley-oop attempts and show some killer instinct, for cryin' out loud. Why do I have to worry if the Grizz are gonna come back one more time with less than 5 minutes left in the game? Let Joe feel he can leave a game early, for once, just once!

Star of the Game
Noted slow learners Martin and Van Horn deserve the Science Fair medals; Kenyon for his early explorations into the paint and 16 first half points, and Keith for his second half dig. We've been riding him hard, but tonight he was Keith Van Clutch.

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